the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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