so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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