He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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