Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
