I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
