There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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