I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
