Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
