By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
