ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Let the clothes fall where they may.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
