You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
now i know why i became what i already was.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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