I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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