If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
