someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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