He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
