I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
