he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
