Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
