Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
worst night to have a conscience
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
