is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
