And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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