I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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