Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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