if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just googled if crying burns calories
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
