this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
