booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
