Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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