I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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