Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
