so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
