if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
