you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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