dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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