When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
