I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
