you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
