I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
