..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
