Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
