I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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