I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
