I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
