If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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