its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
