I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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