he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
