I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
