I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
