Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
