false alarm. still invincible.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
